I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
