Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
