tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
