Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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