Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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