Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dear god my vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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