one might say we're banned from that church
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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