There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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