my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
