Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
either way he was missing a nipple.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
