I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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