I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
