I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
