Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
