I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
