in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
