I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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