we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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