the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i drank out of a bidet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
