I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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