I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
