People in love make me want to vomit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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