I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
