Ambien. No doubt about it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
