I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
