apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
