So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
