Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
