i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
