Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
