So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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