eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
