problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
