You really coming over, don't trick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
