Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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