You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
