sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
