i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
