is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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