happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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