I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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