i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Two words: blizzard sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
