Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
