Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
