I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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