He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
