Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
