Someone shit on the floor
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
