Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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