you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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