Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
