well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
