I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
