First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
