No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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