I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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