What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
