ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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