It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
