your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
