I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
