My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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