My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
