White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
